Something Wrong With James
by TeraWatt
Summary: What's gotten James Potter into this state? The WHOLE SCHOOL is concerned and the Marauders have no idea what to do . . . RATED T FOR RAMPANT PARANOIA


**Disclaimer: **To those who haven't yet caught on to the fairly obvious fact, (hem, hem) I - AM - NOT - J - K - ROWLING (or British, female, rich, stupid enough to pair Harry with Ginny and Ron with Hermione, etc.) I am, however, glad that fanfiction exists for the rest of us who were left unsatisfied by what started as a good-saga-of-fictitious-novels.

**PS:** Still miffed at JK for definitive lack of HARMONY in later books (it started out SO promising ... _sniff_)

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><p><strong>Sirius Black's Observations<strong>

Something's off about James today

He was fine at breakfast but now it's as if he died but his body is still walking around

For the first time since we got on the team, James missed Quidditch practice. James lives for Quidditch, he has, in the past, turned up to practice ill.

Something is terribly wrong. Evans walked right past him and he didn't so much as glance at her. That's not right. He's been after her since third grade. He has never missed an opportunity to ask her out. His face is supposed to light up as he catches sight of her. His hand is supposed to immediately jump to his hair and an amusing pickup line is supposed to fly out of his mouth before I even notice she's there.

What's going on with James?

Something is terribly, terribly wrong.

* * *

><p><strong>Severus Snape's Observations<strong>

Something's off about Potter today

I made it through two full days without a single hex thrown at me. He usually catches me off guard in an empty corridor where we will usually throw curses and jinxes at each other until one of us is sent to the hospital wing. Well I crossed paths with him in no less than four empty corridors. I'm so used to trading hexes with Potter that I didn't notice it was him until we passed each other. Not one hex. No jinx. No prank.

What's going on? I thought perhaps this was his way to put me off guard. By the end of the first day he had me so jumpy that I cursed him into a wall. But he didn't start the fight. He didn't defend himself. He didn't retaliate. What the Hell?

Slytherin has been enjoying their first respite in years. Not one prank. Our food hasn't been tampered with to turn our hair pink. No dungbombs left for us in our beds. Not even a trip-jinx oudside our common-room.

What's going on with Potter?

Something is terribly, terribly wrong.

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><p><strong>Remus Lupin's Observations<strong>

Something's off about James today

It's been three days now.

He's barely eating, that in and of itself is disturbing. Of every student in the school, the only person who eats more than James is Sirius. He's stopped sneaking down to the kitchens at one in the morning. He hasn't been sleeping either. I've been finding him sitting in the common-room staring into the fire.

He's stopped talking. He doesn't respond to anything. It's as though he's just going through the motions. He barely even tries in Transfiguration anymore. His magic is off. And he can barely perform first grade spells.

Three days with no pranks, no obsessive monologues on Quidditch. He looks like hell, and, for James, that is nothing short of impossible to achieve. He's a shell of his former self and people are beginning to notice.

The impossible happened. He missed a Quidditch game. He didn't show. We barely scraped a win with the reserve chaser and, frankly, I'm getting scared for him.

What's going on with James?

Something is terribly, terribly wrong.

* * *

><p><strong>James Potter<strong>

A week goes by and James is missing.

He doesn't show for meals

He doesn't show for classes

He doesn't show for Quidditch

The Marauders are missing their unofficial leader.

McGonnagle is missing her prize student

The Quidditch team is missing its Captain

The school is reeling from the loss of their Head Boy

James Potter is discovered collapsed in the Room of Requirement

He is unrecognisable from the James Potter everyone knows

After he is taken to the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomphrey tells his friends that he is suffering exhaustion from lack of food and sleep. When he wakes up he doesn't talk. He doesn't touch the "Get Well" sweets, he doesn't look at the cards.

The Nurse can't seem to contact the boy's family. She asks if they're on vacation. He doesn't respond.

He's been on nutrient, and dreamless sleep potions for the better part of a fortnight now and he still hasn't been talking. Peter finds James' journal. It's unlocked. But it's NEVER unlocked. This is what he holds secret from even his surrogate brother Sirius. He has written in his journals every day since his grandfather passed away. No one but James has ever seen the inside of his journals and they are _never_ left lying around.

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><p>The Marauders decide that this might be the only way to see what's wrong and how to fix it. What they see shocks them to their core.<p>

They always thought James was having a laugh every time he asked Lily out. They never thought for a moment how deeply James loved Lily. Every page was filled with the little things no one noticed but him. The way she always arrived at breakfast at 7:15 every day in perfect uniform, never a shirt untucked. How on Mondays she would always have a yellow flower in her hair. How she would always have her homework finished by 8:59 every night and that she aspired to create her own original Charms Book. How she would tutor first years every Saturday.

The pages of his journal poured forth every plan to get together with her. Every amusing prank tailored to her likes and timetable. Like the time he charmed a corridor to bloom with her favourite flower when she walked through it. Every time he saw her smile was well documented so he might cause the same effect. A beautiful description lovingly recorded of every time he heard his angel laugh. Every word she ever spoke to him analysed for ideas to make her realise he was genuinely in love with her.

But as they read further into his most private thoughts, they could see how every rejection was tearing away at his heart. Every snarky comment hurt more than getting hexed by Snape. Slowly, James was dying on the inside. They read how he forced himself to be less arrogant, less conceited. They finally knew why he barely picked on Snape anymore and only fought with him in self-defence.

But nothing would get through to her.

In horror they read how he had received a letter that fateful morning he cut himself off. How his parents were found murdered by Death Eaters. How they were locked in their own house as the Death Eaters set it alight. How this time would be the last time he would ever ask his Lily out.

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><p>"<em>Evans, may I have a word with you in private?" James asked nervously.<em>

_Her eyes narrowed as she reluctantly followed him into the empty Charms classroom._

"_What do you want Potter?"_

"_Please hear me out and let me finish what I want to say. Don't walk away and please don't interrupt."_

_Her beautiful emerald eyes narrowed dangerously at him before she nodded._

"_Evans I – " He cut himself off and haltingly started again._

"_Lily, this is the last time I will ever say this. I've tried everything over the years but nothing has even come close to working. I'm just going to come right out and say it. I know you better than I know myself. I would set my broom on fire for even a moment where you smiled at me. I've been in love with you since our third year. You are the most beautiful person I have ever known and I would give up my magic for a single day spent with you."_

"_Every time you have asked me out since third grade I have said no. _Every single time_. Yet for some reason you persist. You are a selfish, arrogant, conceited toe-rag. And I'd date a Death Eater before I'd go out with you."_

_With that she stormed out of the classroom leaving James' very soul shattered on the ground._

'_She wants nothing to do with me.' And with that thought James died. Oh his body still participated in daily life but it was an empty vessel. No emotions, no thoughts and no dreams._

* * *

><p><strong>Lily Evans<strong>

Lily was completing her potions assignment in the common room when three marauders came out of the dormitory. She looked up and said hello but Sirius and Remus just glared at her in rage. It was clear to everyone that THE MARAUDERS had been crying. Their eyes were red and their cheeks were splotchy. Peter threw a journal down infront of her and coldly stated "I don't know what he sees in you, you cold blooded _bitch_!"

With that they left the silent and shocked common room.

Lily sat there in shock.

Where did that come from? The Marauders were always nice to her, that is unless they were trying to set her up with James. Remus was never cold with her and Peter had _never_ sworn before to her knowledge. She was hurt and confused. It seemed to be something to do with this journal.

She left her assignment on the desk and took the journal to her room. After closing the curtains on her four post bed she sat cross-legged and started to read.

* * *

><p>"<em>I saw an angel today, I don't know how I never noticed her before. She is perfect in every way. I never thought I'd say this but I think I like Lily Evans."<em>

"_She blew me off again today, I know I'm an arrogant arse but it still hurts. I can't believe he would hurt her like that. I never liked that greasy git but his one saving grace was that he looked out for her. He was her closest friend and then I had to go antagonise the git. It's my fault that their friendship fell apart. Now she hates me more than ever. I can't do anything right. I was perfectly fine with him as her friend. I can never make her smile like he can. But as long as she was happy then I was ok with it. Ok I admit it. I WAS JEALOUS! I would trade anything to be her friend even if it never went to boyfriend/girlfriend."_

"_Gryffindor lost to Slytherin in Qwidditch today but I saw her smile and heard her beautiful laugh and nothing can get me down now. Padfoot is looking at me like I'm crazy but I don't care. Lily is happy and everything is right in the world."_

"_Mum and Dad died today. I can barely breathe. My family outside of Hogwarts is gone but maybe I can keep living if she can help me. I know it's selfish but without her, my soul will die. She is everything that is right in the world. If she says no this last time then I will leave her alone. I won't survive but hopefully she will find someone who loves her and sees her like I do. I'll ask her this one last time . . ."_

* * *

><p>Lily was lost for words. She had always thought he was having her on, trying to take the mickey out of her whenever he declared his love for her. 'What have I done?' she thought in horror.<p>

She couldn't get in the hospital wing to see him. Sirius never let her past him. "Haven't you done enough? He was almost dead when he got brought here and that's on YOU!"

She had always been friends with Remus, and they became closer friends when she accepted him werewolf-and-all. But now he was giving her the cold shoulder. Talking to her only when they worked together in class. Peter took it personally that she had, single-handedly, almost killed James. James was his idol and she had always pretended to be a nice person, helping him with his Charms work. Now he didn't show up to her tuition. The marauders were officially united against Lily Evans.

James was let out of the hospital wing with the stern warning that he had better not get himself into that state again. He didn't even answer and left to go to the dormitories and his bed.

Lily was patrolling the corridors when she saw the broken shell of James Potter hanging upside down in a deserted corridor, face covered in hex marks. His face was expressionless as though he couldn't care less someone had ambushed him on the way back to the dorms. Lily hurried over and countered the many hexes and lowered him to the ground.

"What are you doing Evans?" he croaked, his throat dry and his voice like gravel.

"James, I'm so sorry." She cried with tears cascading down her cheeks. She hugged him and held him tightly as though he might disappear. "I'm so sorry for ignoring you and snubbing you whenever you tried to talk to me." She sobbed into his chest to his great shock. "You cared so much for me and I didn't even give you a second glance." James took a breath "What are you saying?" he whispered. "James, will you ever forgive me for the pain I've caused you? Do you think you could . . ." "Could what Lily?" he breathed not daring to hope. "Love me like I love you?" she finished not daring to meet his eyes. He lifted her chin to look into her wet emerald eyes and saw raw need for him and terror at the prospect of rejection. He leant in and, in answer to her question, kissed her lips tenderly.

_Thus began a love that would save the wizarding world . . ._


End file.
